I don't care - I'm dead anyways
Those people, whomeever they are, who (as mainly described and documented here, here, here, here, here, here, and here) have been stalking me on the internet and elsewhere - who seemingly saw to it that I was fired from my job, chased out of the driving school, and out of computing school, so that I would not have a chance of finding a new job - who harassed me on dating.dk and chased me off the forum to prevent me from finding a female friend there* - who have been operating around my local area and on whichever internet forums where I have uttered myself; harassing me and stirring up trouble around me so as to make the forming of social- and professional relations impossible - those people have, by doing so, destroyed any prospect I could have had in life, and in effect made any meaninful living impossible to me, and thus made the choice to commit suicide no later than september 16th**, unavoidable:
*And although it would appear that some effort; wether by humans or of a paranormal nature, have occationally been set into action; seemingly with the intend to 'hook me up' with some female or other (and I'm NOT referring here to those playground intrigues which have been playing out on Facebook; which looks more to me like a kind of decoy 'sandbox model' situation suited to divert attention), the mere fact that such an arrangement display all signs of being staged, obviously make it absolutely unacceptable. Not least so since the reason that I couldn't find myself a female friend in the first place was that my efforts to find someone by my own was initially deliberately ruined by whomeever it was; making it hard to avoid the assumption that someone or something has been trying to use access to romance as a means of control over me, by atempting to make the appearance of "generously" providing or helping me satisfy a hunger which, however, only exist in the first place because they themselves were preventing me from satiating it. One may hypothetically assume; with the purpose (apart from, of course, maintaining control by getting me installed with whomeever they see fit rather than allowing me to find someone by myself) of thus attempting to create an (apparent) "debt of gratitude" on my part (A bit like blowing a guy's house up so that you can afterwards help him build a new house - in return for which "favour" you can then claim a "tax" from him later on - or destroying a guy's rice field so that he has to buy his rice from you).
**Though I have decided to precipitate it to about September 1st., so that people aren't gonna waste money on buying me birthday presents.
In addition to this also comes the fact that the mere presence of the paranormal phenomena which I have described elsewhere (and of which I have found it convenient to view the harassment as a sub- or derived phenomenon) has hitherto had the effect, regardless of whatever appear to be its "willful" intention; of consequently ruining any chance of getting any kind of normal life that I might have had or started to build. Thus the mere presence of paranormal phenomena in and by itself makes any kind of meaningful and valuable living impossible: So conclusively: Because paranormal phenomena and correllations of any kind manifest themselves at all in my perceptual surroundings my committing suicide by September is unavoidable. And so far I have seen no believable signs of that phenomenon disappearing (especially so, due to the more permanent nature of many of the paranormal occurrances*, which it is difficult, to say the least, to imagine how the remaining presence of which could possibly vanish within just 2-3 months). Though, on the bright side, of course it's not possible to squeeze neither work nor experiences out of a dead person. Dying as a virgin is an acceptable fate to me. Living as a slave is not. Thus my decision that I stated already in august 2009, remain unchanged.
*I am thinking here, of course, of such manifestations as for example the graffitis, which it is not expectable would suddenly disappear; though as long as they remain they are reminders which uphold a frame of reference of Fifi's narrative enactments: Because they are there, my committing suicide by September is unavoidable. - Or that "donkey-poop" person having been placed on the second floor of the staircase where I live on the first floor; as it is equally difficult to imagine why she would suddenly decide to move out again; though as long as she is recided in that appartment I can obviously not have any kind of romance or other arrangements going on in my appartment, as that would be like those arrangements happening somehow "under", or "at the grace of" that which she represents - and it is obviously equally unthinkable that I should move out: Because she is recided in that appartment my committing suicide by September is unavoidable. And because of Fifi's apparent inability to abstain from attempting to dominate and subordinate me or my affairs my committing suicide by September is unavoidable. - Or the diagnosis and the social stigma that goes with it, as another example: Fat chance that I'd ever get that cleaned off me. (Except, perhaps, in case of something like civil war or world war or something like that, but otherw... hey wait a minute.. THERE's an idea.. How is it one go about getting one of those started?..) Though because that diagnosis even exist I would be dismissed beforehand; on the job market and by females. Because that diagnosis and the social stigma that goes with it exist my committing suicide by September is unavoidable. - And generally such manifestations which are of such a nature that they are not to be expected to suddenly vanish within the next month or so. Because of such lasting manifestations my committing suicide by September is unavoidable.
There no longer exist any possibility of a meaningful life for me. And since at this point I can no longer possibly asume anything which, however unlikely, might seem like genuine affection to be anything other than either playacting, or the result of manipulation or induction - for which reason it could not possibly be of any interest to me anyways - there no longer exist any possibility-, nor can any possibility emerge-, of avoiding the social stigma and personal humiliation of becoming a fourty year old virgin: A fate that I would personally rather slid my wrists than suffer - and which conclusively can no longer be avoided, except from by the option of ending my own life so that I shall not live to be fourty. And what's more; since I consider the term a "fourty year old virgin" to refer to something which can not be mended simply by 'getting layed' once; but rather to refer to a mindset of the whole complex of habitual expectations etc. that result from having been more or less consequently rejected and ignored as a possible subject of romance by females (or else prevented by "circumstancial" interferences) for a quarter of a century since the onset of sexual maturation - and since I do not consider it to be anyhow possible for that complex of habitual expectations etc. to become undone within a timespan of the now less than three months until September, it may thus be finally concluded that the point of no return has long since been passed: That it is too late to mend at this point.
Those people, whomeever they are, who by their operating in my vicinity have by their actions made this choice unavoidable, have in so many words murdered me; since actively and deliberately nescesitating another person to end his or her own life by any reasonable standard must be considered to be murder. Well. 'Still got a few months left to waste though. And perhaps I can think of a few little things it's worth finishing off before one leaves. 'Basically just wanted to make sure I've passed on the sentiment.
The Game: Last Season's Winners...
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?!
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